Couple of interesting patient encounters today

Almost Dr J: So what do you like to do?
Patient: I like to burn people
Almost Dr J: beg your pardon?
Patient: I like to burn people and decapitate them
Almost Dr J: and have you ever done this?
Patient: no. I burned some leaves once though
Almost Dr J: So if you were to get out of the hospital, do you think you would go burn someone
Patient: No, I couldnt do that. I mean i thought about it, but i wouldnt. I would probably just watch someone else

allrighty then.

And Mr K was not having a good day. Before even beginning the patient interview, he insisted on finding out if i was a patriot or not

Almost Dr J (ADJ): Morning Mr K, would you care to talk with me this morning
Mr. K: Where are you from
ADJ: The United states
Mr K: I'm the president of the united states until that bush fucker tried to take my job for 427 days.
ADJ: Alright, well lets go talk
Mr K: so if there was a war with another country and you had to go there and fight them and kill their babies to protect ourselves you would do it
ADJ: yes?
Mr K: okay, lets go talk.

Mr K had a lot of disorganized thoughts and losse associations today. Loos associations are when the doctor asks a questions and the patient offers a non sequitur as an answer.

ADJ: How is your mood today?
Mr K: blah
ADJ: why is that
Mr K: what happened to my babies maybies scabies rabies jaybies

That is an example of both loose associations, and clang associations, where the pt goes off on rhyming tangents. Mr K was also much more paranoid this morning than usual and insisted that i was putting something into his water. Which did not stop him from asking me for several cups of water, just that he didnt trust me. Overall the patient's mood was hostile and paranoid except for one memorable interchange

Mr K: you wont even give me coffee to help to me move my bowels? what kind of doctor are you?
ADJ: not a very good one i am afraid
Mr K: no you are not

I couldnt help laughing

Next was Mr R. Now Mr R and I dont have a relationship, but the first day on the ward he took one look at me and said, "hey my brother you are jewish aren't you? shalom shalom" And ever since when he sees me on the wards he always shouts across the hallway "Hey Dr Jerusalem!" and I wave back

This has been a, pardon the pun, "carazy day". While in the common room looking for one of my patients, another patient in a bright orange hat, blue sweathsitrt, headphones and wheelchair rolls up by me and whispers...pssst. hey doc...got any methadone?

Too which i could only reply...sorry my friend, fresh out. He rolled away quite dejected

This is a bit more like what i was hoping psychiatry would be like. Still dont want to go into it, but at least I am having fun